Call me Hayden. I work in tech and live in the midwestern US. My in-person community doesn't realize how much I'm struggling right now, with both physical and mental health. I think I'd be willing to risk the stigma, but due to my specific situation, telling people here is dangerous for me and people I care about.
Any Java devs that can point me at best practices for global constants? I've a Spring app I've inherited, have to compare some values at runtime against magic strings (customer codes) for some conditional logic, but don't want to embed them deep in the API.
(I'm not a Java developer by trade and haven't really touched it in 20 years.)
I have a work project that has dragged on and on. Unless anyone wants changes in the last meeting later today, I will finish it today and get back to work I enjoy more. I am even ready for the meeting!
I LOVE heating pads. They are physically & emotionally soothing when I'm sore, and pleasant when it's cold out, and the cat likes them, too.
My health has improved recently. I got most of my medications tuned, and followed various doctors' instructions for months. Now I am in much less pain, and it feels good to think that I helped improve my own health.
I am looking forward to helping maintain the flower garden in a nearby park. I know a few of the other volunteers, and it is a nice opportunity to get out of my flat and do some gardening.
I tried to do a safety check this morning and they told me to butt out. Whether they have help from someone else or not, I'm butting out.
I feel like a jerk, but this situation is already horrible for me and not good for them. I have to back off and put my own affairs in order before I can help them. I hope they have help from someone else in the meantime.
Now I just worry that this person will try to commit suicide because of our conversation. It was a normal conversation other than my tone getting sharp when their tone got sharp, but I know they have been suicidal recently and they already overreacted to my overreaction in a passive aggressive way.
I have tiptoed around this person's feelings and catered to their every whim for at least the last year. It crept up gradually, masked by more overt problems with other "friends." I put this very needy person's desires above my own needs. It is time to take back my time and energy so I can take care of myself. This will probably entail being sharp, since they regularly discount their impact on others and have not learned well.
I need to improve my self-care, drastically and immediately. Today I let a mentally unstable friend get to me, and I was sharp with them. It would have been better for everyone if I had not taken the bait, and if I had been feeling OK with myself I could probably have avoided conflict with this person.
EFD means it is hard to do things, even important things I want to do. I have an emotionally loaded task I do not want to do at all, but other people lean on me to do it, and even though it hurts sorely, it will probably be better for me if I do it as soon as I can. Therefore I procrastinate. I wish I did not.
self care when stressed
Here are some things I do, by trying very hard, that I think are helping.
Thanks to @andy's good advice, I snack a little one or two times a day. Mostly junk food, but right now I am just trying to set a habit of eating at all, and snacking is less intimidating than a full meal.
I exercise most days.
I cancel plans when I know I am too upset to do what I was supposed to do.
I rest when I am tired or have overworked my body.
Stalker sighted following me around. Now trying to get others to harass me with a whispering campaign. I am still here, hanging in there, pretending to be OK so they cannot tell what is bothering me and do more of it. I can barely eat or sleep. This is really hard. I am no longer looking for milder solutions because they did not work. I will call the police next time I can catch them near my work or home.
mh +? -?
It is not even that I am upset by the things that happened. I am upset, and I am telling myself it is because of the things that happened tonight. Some of it is from things that happened much earlier, but are difficult in ways I am apparently not ready to cope with tonight.
Forward motion does not always feel very good.
mh +? -?
I was going to write that it is a shitty night tonight, but I have been doing enough CBT to realize that what is actually true is that I am very upset by some things that happened tonight. I look forward to someday believing the true thing instead of the exaggeration, because in the middle here, it feels like tonight is even shittier because I no longer allow myself to say it is a shitty night.
I have a friend who is going through something very difficult, and sometimes they seem needy. I want to be there for them, but I have my own things happening that they do not know about, and I need to save some energy to take care of myself and get to work and things. It takes a lot of energy just for me right now.
I do my best to be there, but I do not think I am good at it. When they seem needy, I feel nervous because I feel responsible for helping, but I worry I will not do a good job.
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