What I have to learn is to parent myself, to comfort myself in order to better control my strong emotions. It *does not* mean I have to dismiss these feelings altogether, or cut them out.
I also have to learn to understand and *articulate* my needs and desires. Especially when, to me, it matters.
(2) this was uncomfortable to confront. It takes root much deeper than it seems. "Sulking". It's a passive aggressive behaviour caused by an inability to properly articulate one's emotions, one's needs, or desires. I realise that this goes back to my childhood, and my parents. Children learn to sulk or throw a tantrum to get what they want, but I was spoiled whenever I did when I should have been discouraged from such behaviour.
(1) I have been frustrated for a while now because I feel dismissed and unheard at work but, come to think of it, isn't taking on more responsibility a way for me to gain that?
Thinking about it more deeply, everything I do, I do because it's my hope to be respected. Being manipulative and sulking isn't going to get me any of that.
Two things at play here:
(1) My unwillingness to act like "the bigger person" when it only meant more workload / succumbing to unfair treatment
And, (2) the fact that I had to sulk so openly, and for this long, despite not wanting to
The small incident at work yesterday was that I felt a bit slighted, acted a bit manipulatively, got told off eventually, and then sulked the rest of the day. Although I tried to move past it, I found myself still wounded until today.
Something externally minor but internally significant happened at work yesterday, and I woke up today feeling under the weather. Thanks to indecision I ultimately just called in sick for work. I used the day to rest and regain energy, and also tried to process the incident and looked inside of myself because I want to mature as a person.
Called in sick again when I'm not really sick. I'm emotionally depleted but that's all. *Sigh* here comes the anxiety
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