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Hi. My handle is "fasciation" because my favourite flowers are fasciated.

I plan to use this handle to monitor and post about my mental well-being. Nice to meet you. (:

I'm trying to switch to a healthier diet but triggered a massssive headache in the process. I forget how much diet changes can affect people. 🤕

On a scale of 1-10, I give myself a 1 on taking care of myself. It's been so bad. I haven't had a real meal since... May?

Today I managed to cook myself a simple dinner though. Good job me 🥲

I feel like I'm talking too much to her 😬

I'm so disappointed in myself for the last two weeks. 😔

All things considered I had a pretty successful week. I accomplished more than I normally do. Next week, I'll aim for more 🌸☺️🌸

Gave myself a rest day today and it actually feels deserved. No guilty feelings. 💕

I accomplished 1 out of 4 things I aimed to do today, which could have been zero things so I'm really proud of myself for it ☺️✨🏅✨🌟

Today's aims: mission accomplished with flying colours 🌟🌈🌟🌈🌟😊

My 2 weeks vacation is over and I've jotted down my aims on my Planner for this coming week. I can do this. Fight, fight, fight!!! ✊

I did my best despite not being at my best and I stood up for myself.

I think I've gotten better at handling disappointments 🌸🙂🌸

What I have to learn is to parent myself, to comfort myself in order to better control my strong emotions. It *does not* mean I have to dismiss these feelings altogether, or cut them out.

I also have to learn to understand and *articulate* my needs and desires. Especially when, to me, it matters.

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(2) this was uncomfortable to confront. It takes root much deeper than it seems. "Sulking". It's a passive aggressive behaviour caused by an inability to properly articulate one's emotions, one's needs, or desires. I realise that this goes back to my childhood, and my parents. Children learn to sulk or throw a tantrum to get what they want, but I was spoiled whenever I did when I should have been discouraged from such behaviour.

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(1) I have been frustrated for a while now because I feel dismissed and unheard at work but, come to think of it, isn't taking on more responsibility a way for me to gain that?

Thinking about it more deeply, everything I do, I do because it's my hope to be respected. Being manipulative and sulking isn't going to get me any of that.

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Two things at play here:

(1) My unwillingness to act like "the bigger person" when it only meant more workload / succumbing to unfair treatment

And, (2) the fact that I had to sulk so openly, and for this long, despite not wanting to

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The small incident at work yesterday was that I felt a bit slighted, acted a bit manipulatively, got told off eventually, and then sulked the rest of the day. Although I tried to move past it, I found myself still wounded until today.

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Something externally minor but internally significant happened at work yesterday, and I woke up today feeling under the weather. Thanks to indecision I ultimately just called in sick for work. I used the day to rest and regain energy, and also tried to process the incident and looked inside of myself because I want to mature as a person.

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Called in sick again when I'm not really sick. I'm emotionally depleted but that's all. *Sigh* here comes the anxiety

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