I'm feeling pretty good at the moment, all things considered (all things being: eldest catching COVID, isolation at home, stupidly busy at work, etc.) A few years ago, I'd be managing this by self-medicating and feeling worse as a result. Short of a few intrusive thoughts, my brain reminding me that trauma never really goes away, life is good.
Latest garden project is vermiculture, starting with a wormery I set up last night. Lots of fun + helping close the loop on recycling.
So we thought stuff wasn't growing in the raised beds, so we ordered some plants to fill the gaps. Then everything started growing. Then the filler plugs arrived today. So I've spent two hours cramming chard, spinach, MORE LEEKS, mizuna, beetroots and some other stuff that @Jo dealt with. Tied up and pinched back the tomatoes, as they've gone full Jurassic Park on us now. And drilled holes on things. Hoping the weather will stay nice as I have some brickwork and pointing to do. #gardening
UK lockdown lifting, vulnerable people
A great piece by Laura Elliott on how so-called 'freedom day' means nothing of the sort for clinically vulnerable people
"Society isn’t made up of isolated individuals who have no impact on each other. How each of us behaves affects other people. If dropping social distancing measures means that many of our neighbours are trapped in an unofficial lockdown, can we really claim to have been liberated at all?"
350 days sober and treated myself to a new audio book: "One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps".
I don't do AA. I don't like groups. Also, in part because of the horror stories I've read about; and, because no matter how you twist it, I don't subscribe to what is essentially a Christian recovery process based on bad psychology.
Touch wood, so far this is interesting, reflective and mirrors my own self-actualisation when it comes to sobriety and removing alcohol from my life.
Went to see the parents today and came back with more plugs. 😂 24 leeks, 6 Brussel Sprouts, and 6 somethings (PSB I think, though according to dad might be Summer Cabbage). @Jo planted out a load of seeds yesterday, just in time for last night's downpour. And the radishes are sprouting. #gardening We're getting there!
Tomatoes, chillis, lettuce x 18 (seed), marigolds (companion plant), radishes x 96 (seed), spring onions x 128 (seed) and strawberries at the back. Knackered now.
The soil is very warm at around 7cm (still fermenting and steaming), but all of the seeds are shallow planted, 1-2cm, so I'm not worried. We'll plant more out later in the week, assuming we dodge most of the rain. Plenty more seeds in the folder... #squarefoot #gardening
Autism-friendly, square foot (-ish) #gardening raised beds...done. I'm taking next weekend off. 😂
We also have compost to spare, surprisingly. That's in the region of 5,250 litres - about 2.5 tons.
A couple of days of watering in and then we'll start planting out our plugs, seedlings, and putting some seeds straight in.
One pallet down. It really smells like shit. This is a good thing. I also smell like shit. This is less good. 😂
Have taken delivery of three pallets (6000 litres) of multipurpose, peat-free compost. Busy weekend ahead of me...and I still don't think it'll be enough to fill both of the raised beds once it's settled. 😆
We're getting there with the #garden. Current task is building two 2.1m x 4.2m raised beds. Hoping to become a bit more self sufficient from this (no dig method, year round veg). As with all things, one day at a time.
A few days from now I'll be 11 months sober. I can honestly say, I'm the most balanced, centred, mindful and relaxed right now than I've ever been in my whole adult life. Life is good. I am happy.
Well, except for the price of timber. 😂
my Fight kicking in. Just like it did six years ago. Just like I talked over with my trauma therapist. The exact. Same. Feelings. I managed them, so that's good. They no longer take control of me and remain there, energised and angry and waiting. But today I feel _exhausted_ and totally devoid of energy.
I guess the physical effects of trauma may never leave. I'm okay with that, it is what it is. I can manage and cope and not let it dominate me. But yes.
The Body Keeps The Score.
The Body Keeps The Score.
It really, really does. I had a rough encounter yesterday with someone with a history of abuse towards my family. This person tends to avoid me (I assume because I'm not an easy target) but decided otherwise yesterday. Bad idea. I retained my composure and handled the situation well (I think) but it impacted me for the rest of the day. By the time the evening hit, my mind was fine but my body was still coiled, tense, and I could feel those physical effects of 1/2
As promised, before and after (well, current) photos of our #garden project. It was a mess. Depression, anxiety, personal problems, and my own unhealthy relationship with booze have meant what was a lawned garden a decade ago, became an overgrown mess.
Maybe it's all a giant metaphor for self improvement and the hard work we've put into life in the last few years. Or something. Whatever. It's mindful. It's present. It's nurturing and creative and life-bringing. We're enjoying it. 😁🌿
This week I've started using a rotavator on the #garden. I really should post some before (neglected for years, thanks #MentalHealth) and after pictures at some point. I've been prepping the soil for 20m2 of raised beds. It feels good to get my hands dirty again. We have other spaces planned.
Contrary to what certain people around here might think, I grew up in a gardening family. That and a couple of years of undergrad Plant Science and I'm not the world's worst gardener.
I was going to say this makes me unreasonably angry, but thinking about it, I think the anger is perfectly fucking reasonable.
Dev. AppSec/InfoSec guy. Writer. Hubs. Dad. Punk of Many Colours. Mental Health First Aider & Advocate. Middle-aged Northern Brit. Sweary. Simplifying life. Lert.
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