We're getting there with the #garden. Current task is building two 2.1m x 4.2m raised beds. Hoping to become a bit more self sufficient from this (no dig method, year round veg). As with all things, one day at a time.
A few days from now I'll be 11 months sober. I can honestly say, I'm the most balanced, centred, mindful and relaxed right now than I've ever been in my whole adult life. Life is good. I am happy.
Well, except for the price of timber. 😂
my Fight kicking in. Just like it did six years ago. Just like I talked over with my trauma therapist. The exact. Same. Feelings. I managed them, so that's good. They no longer take control of me and remain there, energised and angry and waiting. But today I feel _exhausted_ and totally devoid of energy.
I guess the physical effects of trauma may never leave. I'm okay with that, it is what it is. I can manage and cope and not let it dominate me. But yes.
The Body Keeps The Score.
The Body Keeps The Score.
It really, really does. I had a rough encounter yesterday with someone with a history of abuse towards my family. This person tends to avoid me (I assume because I'm not an easy target) but decided otherwise yesterday. Bad idea. I retained my composure and handled the situation well (I think) but it impacted me for the rest of the day. By the time the evening hit, my mind was fine but my body was still coiled, tense, and I could feel those physical effects of 1/2
As promised, before and after (well, current) photos of our #garden project. It was a mess. Depression, anxiety, personal problems, and my own unhealthy relationship with booze have meant what was a lawned garden a decade ago, became an overgrown mess.
Maybe it's all a giant metaphor for self improvement and the hard work we've put into life in the last few years. Or something. Whatever. It's mindful. It's present. It's nurturing and creative and life-bringing. We're enjoying it. 😁🌿
This week I've started using a rotavator on the #garden. I really should post some before (neglected for years, thanks #MentalHealth) and after pictures at some point. I've been prepping the soil for 20m2 of raised beds. It feels good to get my hands dirty again. We have other spaces planned.
Contrary to what certain people around here might think, I grew up in a gardening family. That and a couple of years of undergrad Plant Science and I'm not the world's worst gardener.
I was going to say this makes me unreasonably angry, but thinking about it, I think the anger is perfectly fucking reasonable.
I ache. But six hours in the garden today on top of what we've been doing all week and we have an almost clear back garden. Second skip lifted, third skip dropped on the drive. Everything feels manageable for the first time in ages. #MentalHealth is great, physical health isn't bad for a tubby middle-aged nerd, and I'm actually enjoying life. And to top it all off, got my #3 at tte barber's at 8am this morning, first cut since July '20.
Tomorrow I'm going to chisel a coal bunker into pieces. 😁
We've made more impact on working on our fixer upper and it's Jumanji-like garden in the last few weeks than in years. Jo spent most of the day tearing up brambles and weeds and I knocked some stuff down and chucked it in the skip after work. Eldest followed up with a couple of hours of clearing undergrowth.
(a) I'd forgotten how good this sort of thing is for mental health and (b) I can see things taking shape now. Feels good.
I've hit a wall in writing. Every time I try to add punk to Georgian/Regency/Victorian England, even working hard to come up with a hard science alternative timeline to the Industrial Revolution, I end up with something too close to steampunk. And I can't stand steampunk.
So I'm going back to what I know. Hard sci fi, the physics of intra-Solar System space travel, cyberpunk, transhumanity. But trying to keep my ideas on social class disparity in place. Warming up by rewatching Elysium. 😎
My department (Glasgow Computing Science) is hiring a lot of new people at lecture/senior lecturer/reader level (associate prof) and also one full pro:
- Responsible AI (x4)
- Socially Intelligent Technologies
- Machine Learning
- Healthcare Technologies (x3)
- Low Carbon Computing (x3)
- Software Engineering
- Cyber Security (x1 Prof.)
I am leading the Low Carbon and Sustainable Computing theme.
📅 Deadline 26 April.
Listening to Levellers and getting fucking angry at the world. I'm really sorry the generations before mine fucked shit up and I have the most profound respect for the generations that follow mine for doing something about it. In my naivete I honestly thought the new century would usher in a new age of peace, love and understanding. Sorry folks. My bad. ☮️ ❤️
Well, sayonara Night City. 92 hours later I've finished my first playthrough on the XSX. It was gorgeous, beautifully written and an outstanding realisation of a city and characters I've loved for 33 years. It meant a lot to me. It has its bugs and the way in which CDPR management handled its premature launch is horrendous (not to mention other aspects of the company culture, best left to a separate toot), but it was a powerful storytelling experience. I'm looking forward to my next visit. 😎
Dev. AppSec/InfoSec guy. Writer. Hubs. Dad. Punk of Many Colours. Mental Health First Aider & Advocate. Middle-aged Northern Brit. Sweary. Simplifying life. Lert.
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