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Some admin tweaks to mentalhealth.social tonight. Mainly welcome text for people not signed in, some behind the scenes stuff and disabling public API access to the timeline. No changes to the ToS/CoC.

Any questions, please feel free to fire them in my direction. โค๏ธ

Just a quick reminder that all my music is available for free / pay what you want on #bandcamp

timrowe.bandcamp.com/

Gaslighting 

Things you don't like, find insulting or disrespectful, things which are hurtful or when someone has a perception of a situation that is different to your own... These are things I've seen described as such and that's not it. This is not gaslighting.

Gaslighting is to deliberately, maliciously misrepresent reality.

Having lasting psychological problems from not having a fixed grasp on reality growing up, because of gaslighting, it's hard not to be annoyed by it.

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Had a lazy weekend other than taking youngest lad to the barber yesterday so we could both get shorn (and grab a Greggs sausage roll on the way home).

Eldest has gone back to uni for a couple of days, to sort out the details of him deferring his course for a year. This is spiking my anxiety somewhat, though I know he is safe and going to be okay.

I think a quiet evening is in order. ๐Ÿค”

I haven't tooted here for ages. Various reasons: Sorting out Hardware / Software problems, hardly writing or recordings anything for months.

I've decided to start doing #voiceovers again after quitting the game (and it *is* a game) a few years ago.

If you need a free read of an excerpt from your script for whatever - anything from gaming, novel narration to erotica, PM me a short sample and I will record a free demo for you.

I have a soft RP accent and my voice has been described as warm.

Boredom
Nobody likes being bored, but what happens when we 'unpack" boredom ?
Boredom appears as a feeling. We give the feeling a label ("Boredom")
It's an unwanted feeling, so we usually try to do something to get rid of it - as we do with most unwanted feelings.

Try this:

Close your eyes, and drop the label "boredom". It might help to visualise the word framed on a wall.

Then feel the remaining feeling and sit with it as best you can. Witho
journal.timrowe.org/?p=16

Offline for a bit (excepting admin notifications). Working on my health and getting back to reading and writing, which has trailed off since I started (and finished) therapy. โค๏ธ

me: i wonder what would happen if i trained the neural net gpt-2 on christmas carols?

me: ...

me: oh NO
aiweirdness.com/post/189845472

No decorations up yet. Ordered gifts yesterday, most of which are arriving today. This is the latest we've ever left it, but we're all tired and burnt out and need self-care. So it's okay. I think we'll spend the weekend catching up on chores and doing all the things a little at a time.

Kind of bummed I won't make it to see New Model Army in Nottingham tonight but I suspect I wouldn't enjoy the gig even if I did get there safely, I'm just too tired. ๐Ÿ˜ด

I finish for Xmas in 10 minutes and my brain is already considering writing a small multiplayer game during the break. No! Bad brain! Down boy!

Went to bed before 8pm because my brain needed it. Weird dreams and it's 5.45am now but I feel better for it. At least able to disconnect from the last week's events and no cognitive impairment now (which I never get, hence me knowing I needed rest).

A day off today so I'll do some chores, cook and continue to rest. Back into the breach tomorrow!

Punk lyrics. My UK pol head right now. 

As if all the world, should now hold its breath; and
These are the days that we'll recall
When the masks are off the faces
And there's something to fight for
All the lines drawn down in the Soul
You can let your anger burn crazy.

It's an exit poll. Don't put faith in it. That said, I'm concerned and am disconnecting now. Faith and trust.

I'm fucking exhausted. Life is pretty much a rollercoaster of intense, high pressure stuff at the moment. I felt close to breaking for the first time today, but expressed that to a few people and that was good.

I'm managing. It's like putting down a new floor (weird analogy I used with @Jo earlier). I'm applying practices that help, but it's hard, focused, very linear and tiring. I can see myself making progress but it's an application of learned skill to do so.

BPD+psychosis, asking for advice 

So... I used to call what my BPD does to my grip on reality 'pseudopsychosis,' but I've come to realise that this label was something I used to deny the reality of what it does and minimise it. There's two main things I'm looking for:

1) are antipsychotics worth trying, or are they too destructive and dangerous?

2) what resources are there for BPD's brand of psychosis? I see a lot about the neurosis side (splitting+imprinting etc) but not much about psychosis.

Weird. Fucking. Day. And I mean yesterday as it's 00:20. Which probably isn't healthy. Sounds like a good time to get cross-legged and breathe.

I'm shattered. Five hours of sleep when I went to bed at 8.30pm is not good. ๐Ÿ˜ด

Finding today very challenging. ๐Ÿ˜• Putting my body-oriented self-therapy skills to much use.

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MentalHealth.Social

A safe, social, virtual space for anyone interested in mental health and its issues. Whether you're a service user, someone with lived or living experience or a mental health professional, feel free to join, hang out and chat about anything.