Slightly more compos mentis now.

To be clear, these are prescribed meds. I have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy and even though a grew out if it in my early 20s, it resurfaced a few years ago.

High fever can bring on dyscognitive seizures (absences) so rather than go back to taking Carbamazepine every day for the rest of my life, I pop Clobazam whenever there is a risk of seizure. Does the job by turning me into a zombie. ๐Ÿ˜‚

Rough few days and woke up with a temperature this morning, so called in sick and popped a Clobazam. Slept until 1.30pm and currently my brain feels like fudge and I find it difficult to form sentences. Fun with benzodiazepine!

@maloki "Somewhere" speaks volumes. ๐Ÿ˜†

I just know that we domesticated primates are better when we have patterns of sleep and living (in your case, writing). Personally, from messy experience.

(PS: I', not taking my own advice right now, I should go to sleep.)

But you know what? "Those hours of silience" when it comes to writing, I can totally dig. It's a good title for a book as well. ๐Ÿ˜‰

@maloki I was thinking that earlier when seeing some of your toots. You seemed to be more in balance/rhythm with going to bed and waking up in a relatively typical pattern. It's good. It's healthy. Sweet dreams. ๐Ÿ˜ด

โ€œMost people know about fight, flight, and freeze โ€” but another trauma response, โ€œfawn,โ€ is at the core of what people-pleasing is actually about.

To avoid conflict, negative emotions, and re-traumatization, people who โ€œfawnโ€ when triggered will go out of their way to mirror someoneโ€™s opinions and appease them in order to deescalate situations or potential issues.โ€

letsqueerthingsup.com/2019/06/

@rnd Cheers! He can't remember much of the accident but he was with friends. He's in work today (working at my place) so I'll keep an eye on him, but he seems good all things considered.

@realcaseyrollins Discordia. The Goddess of Strife, Chaos and Disorder. She-who-fucks-with-your-shit-when-you-least-expect-it. Unmaker of things that are made. Bender of self-formed Reality Tunnels. Baker of noodles. The Umentionable One (unless you want to mention Her, which is fine, just be careful, She might be watching).

(c.f. Discordianism)

Woke at 4am to find eldest not home. He rolls in half an hour later looking like he lost a fight with a pavement, which he had.

Cycling home from the pub, not even the worse for wear, pedestrian steps out in front of him and he brakes hard and flips over the bars. Two sets of stitches, lots of abrasions, 3 hours in A&E. He's okay but looks terrible. He's going to have a rough time at work today.

Sigh. Hail Eris!

Some admin tweaks to mentalhealth.social tonight. Mainly welcome text for people not signed in, some behind the scenes stuff and disabling public API access to the timeline. No changes to the ToS/CoC.

Any questions, please feel free to fire them in my direction. โค๏ธ

Just a quick reminder that all my music is available for free / pay what you want on #bandcamp

timrowe.bandcamp.com/

Gaslighting 

Gaslighting 

@Gina That all sounds positive and constructive, good stuff!

The usual Monday chaos here in dev land. So far fixed a few bugs in a Java API I've inherited (I've not used Java for 20 years, I'm primarily a C# dev) and pored through web server logs trying to put together an incident report. Business as usual. ๐Ÿ˜‚

@Gina I don't want to sound like a dick, but it seems like you need to move somewhere warm (at the very least) and maybe start a retreat? Or something that makes you feel happier than you are currently. You definitely seem to gravitate towards warmer climes.

As for work tomorrow: small steps. Focus on one thing at a time. You know this as a climber. Steady foot and handholds, then move to where you need to, in your own time.

Had a lazy weekend other than taking youngest lad to the barber yesterday so we could both get shorn (and grab a Greggs sausage roll on the way home).

Eldest has gone back to uni for a couple of days, to sort out the details of him deferring his course for a year. This is spiking my anxiety somewhat, though I know he is safe and going to be okay.

I think a quiet evening is in order. ๐Ÿค”

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MentalHealth.Social

A safe, social, virtual space for anyone interested in mental health and its issues. Whether you're a service user, someone with lived or living experience or a mental health professional, feel free to join, hang out and chat about anything.